Tons of peaches and no salad

I’ll admit I thought the wife was a bit mental when she bought a peach tree a few months back but I stuck it in the ground anyway. Yesterday she pointed this out to me:


I’m gobsmacked. Must get a lemon tree now!

Apples coming along nicely:


Goosegogs are flying:


Strawberries not too bad:


But what in the name of god is going on with my veg patch?

Dead ground

I planted a ton of lettuces, scallions, rocket, radishes and carrots. Nothing, not one fecking thing grew. I’ve never had total failure like that. Strangely, weeds are thin on the ground too. When it was built they said they put in rotted manure in the base. Any chance that is to blame? Or are the birds + slugs + local cats able to destroy every seed I planted?

Yesterday I stuck in some squash plants, tomato plants, basil and broccoli that I had been growing in the shed. I actually did the seeds months ago but the lack of light has matched my lack of activity and they are just perfect now for planting. Maybe they’ll all die too. I also took all the half used packets of salad seeds and scattered them willy-nilly. The zero-effort guide to gardening continues.

Conor O'Neill

Tech guy who likes running slowly

Bandon, Cork, Ireland