Beach Top Tips

As a good husband, I am empathising with my pregnant wife by attempting to grow a belly as big as hers. So far, it has been a resounding success. However, it does pose issues of aesthetics when heading to the beach for what is likely to be the only hot day this year that we had last Sunday.

Myself and the three squirts headed off to the Long Strand in Castlefreke/Rathbarry (how could they get rid of such a hilarious name for a village and replace it with something so insipid?). We did our own rendition of Dudley Moore in “10” by hopping across the sand shouting “ooh, ooh, hot hot hot, sand too hot” and plonked ourselves down for the afternoon.

The aforementioned belly was doing a fine job as a wind-break and sun-shade for my darling daughter. Any potential for slight self-consciousness disappeared when I realised I had placed us between an auld pair and a grossly obese woman. So with zero effort, I managed to look both youthful and slim. My top tip for sun-bathing in Cork.

I won’t ruin it all by mentioning my burnt slap-head.