You may feel a small prick
Posted on January 5, 2007, by Conor O'Neill, under Babies, Family, Health.
I’ve recently been getting lots of contraceptive advice from men my age. It seems the only logical route is vasectomy. One of my best advisors had his done quite a while back with no adverse effects. There is only one guy in Cork who does it, Dr Pillay on Patrick St and he highly recommended him. He also (quietly) mentioned that performance would not be affected and I wouldn’t be shooting blanks for the first thirty. Important tip!
My old workmate C told me all about his on a trip to Dell in Limerick the day after it had been done and he seemed fine. Mr B in Paris last week concurred that it was not such a big deal. I also saw the documentary last year where that brave man from Galway bared his knackers for all to see as his tubes were cut. The valium made him collapse in fits of giggles and I wondered if this was standard practice.
Add to this the gentle encouragement of Catherine’s sister Claire “I’ll come after you with garden shears if you even think about another baby” and we decided that enough was enough. I visited Dr Pillay at the start of December to talk it through and once he heard the number “5″, he didn’t probe for motivation any further. It all sounded pretty straightforward: snip snap, bish bash bosh, few days of discomfort and off ye go and climb Everest.
Catherine checked multiple times that I was ok with the idea and that I wasn’t rushing in. I guess I must be deeply shallow because in my mind it was at the same level as a root canal or deviated septum op. No concerns about emasculation or man breasts (I have those already), no “what if my entire family is killed in a fire and I want to have more kids when I’m 70?” type questions. Just simple basic “my wife cannot take the pill until menopause” and “Five is enough. Enough. Seriously tho, enough.” Maybe I’ll wake up one day and scream “oh dear jesus my testicles are no longer connected to my vas deferns” but I doubt it.
The only prep that had to be done was hair and the major question to be answered - blade or cream? Blade - are you mental or something? Veet it was. Hmm, that’s an interesting look for me, sort of a comb-over effect. Why does no-one ever mention that Veet burns? Ahh, small print, avoid genital area. Ow ow ow.
I headed in on Friday 14th and unfortunately forgot about the goddammed Christmas shoppers and arrived 15 minutes late, totally stressed and sweatin. To quote my buddy Eoin, the following bits may be TMI for you. So stop reading now if you are of a delicate nature.
I’d had the heating on full blast all the way in to avoid the Atlantic Swim Effect but the stress of being late negated all of that. Dr Pillay was lovely and asked me if I wanted to relax for a few minutes. I didn’t. For some idiotic reason I thought I might be able to read during the op and brought “The Wisdom of Crowds” with me. He found this amusing.
So up onto the couch in the corner of his office, keks off, iodine on and we were in business. He warned the local would hurt but it was fine. The incision began and all was well. Throughout the entire thing he had Cork’s 96FM on with that horrendous gobshite who does the chat in the mornings. He had on some blokes who have been doing panto since the 50’s and it kept me nicely distracted the whole time as the only thought going through my head was “This is where Radio Jay on Gift Grub gets his material from”.
Some warnings of pressure from the doc, then, jesus fucking christ man are you trying to kill me, arggggh. “Oh did that hurt?”. Did it hurt? Did it hurt? Would you like me to stick a rusty nail in your nuts so you can get some sense of it? He added more local. Still no joy, so he added some more. At this point I was going to ask for an epidural but the last jab seemed to sort it out. I guess this is where the word numbnuts comes from.
Finally, the big stitches went in, I relaxed and he said “now we’ll do the right one”. Noooooooooooo, it can’t have taken that long to cut a tube and fold the two halves back. It turns out that “things kept tensing up” making his life very difficult. G’way, a man has his scrotum cut open and shockingly, it doesn’t relax into a giant fluffy balloon. Now I know why the guy on the tv was given the valium.
Liathróid a dó was complete, he sowed me up and I felt pretty ok. Lots of advice about not being too energetic. Like that’ll happen - I pulled a muscle putting a child to bed the other night. He gave me some Betadine ointment, put everything in a hammock and gave me an ice-pack for the journey home.
Drive home was ok but the ache started around Innishannon. Do you have to drive at 30mph today you stupid stupid person, movvvvvveee, I’ve just been operated on. Home. Frozen peas into ziplock and I relaxed on the couch. Pain got worse. Panadol my hole, I popped one of Catherine’s Ponstan Forte and soon the pain faded to a dull throb.
Over the next few days I was in a very bad state. As the Ponstan wore off each time, it started hurting like hell and the hammock seemed to add to it. I went hammock free for a day but it was far far worse and I put it back. Getting out of bed each morning was not fun. Wound seemed to take it’s time healing and in fact here we are three weeks later and there is still a scab. Finally one week after the op, the pain subsided and apart from the long journey over Christmas, there was no serious discomfort. I can confidently hold my own in a childbirth pain conversation now, he said, running for the door.
So now that I have put men off it for life, do I regret it? Not for a second. A week’s discomfort for a lifetime of one less major thing to worry about - I’d do it in a second again. And it looks like my best advisor was right 
Just make sure you can get your hands on Ponstan!
UPDATE 1: 1st May 2007 - Just got the all-clear. Woo hoo! This is probably a good thing as we both recently started our usual “ah Síofra is such a wee darling, one more wouldn’t really be that much extra hassle”.
Technorati Tags: vasectomy, contraception, Dr+Pillay, Veet, Betadine, Hammock
62 Replies to "You may feel a small prick"
Eoghan McCabe on January 5, 2007
Haha. Well written. Now you can go rate vasectomies on Loudervoice.
By the way, with the TMI warning and all the photos you had included, I was bracing myself for a full frontal photo with scars! Jasus.
Kieran on January 5, 2007
Ouch. Wish you lots of happy days (or nights) to prove it was worth it!
conor on January 6, 2007
I seriously considered putting a sequence of pictures in the post starting at my knee but stopping just shy. Would have been difficult for people to get that image out of their heads.
Ye know, maybe we could put this on LouderVoice, it kinda fits. A world’s first?
2-3 days recovery is standard. Of course my wife thinks my extended one was due to an inability to deal with any pain. Damned childbirth argument wins it for them every time.
Ed Madden on January 7, 2007
Conor,
Great article! Brings back “fond” memories when I had my FIRST vasectomy…they don’t always work! So ya get to do it again, which is worse because you now know what to expect!
Get a surgical glove, fill it to the knucles with rubbing alcohol and add water. Tie off end and toss in freezer 6 hours. It makes a nice slushy cold “form fitting hand” to hold the recovering family jewels!
conor on January 7, 2007
Ed, I so didn’t want to hear the first paragraph but the second one is genius. I found the beer can cooler sleeves too rigid and the peas strangely not as cold as I’d expected. Hopefully I won’t have to go through the mill again.
kav on January 9, 2007
Great post Conor. I’ve been debating this a lot with my wife recently, interesting to hear an actual war story.
conor on January 9, 2007
Thanks Kav. I’m the only person I’ve heard of who took that long to stop hurting. That is, apart from the famous guy in Dublin who shot his doctor due to the incessant pain!
Comfort with the idea seems to be age and count_of(children) related. Ask me five years ago if I’d do it and I’d have run away roaring. Now it’s no big deal to me.
It’s not something I’ve ever seen blogged about before so I thought I’d get the ball rolling (oh I crack me up).
kav on January 9, 2007
You know, those are the exact reasons (age/number of kids) I haven’t just gone ahead with it. I’m only 27, and only have 2 kids. I don’t think I want more children, but it’s a biteen early to make such a decision.
conor on January 9, 2007
Totally agree with you. Wayyyyy too young. In fact a lot of docs here might refuse to do it in your situation.
I’m 38 (I think) and blummin exhausted by my gang of thugs so the chances of changing my mind are minimal.
maria on January 10, 2007
Really enjoyed de war story- still not a patch on the 5 great war stories ur missus could tell, but sadistically good fun to read!!!! Even if her birth stories were a breeze, I bet she would still win the pain threshhold battle with women’s other trump card- de cracked nipple!!!!Try sufferin dat for a few weeks with a hungry hippo attached 24- 7!!!!!Seriously, am glad you recorded de gory details if only so I can scare my better half here in Waterford!!
Ed Madden on January 11, 2007
Hi Conor,
I live in Ridgefield, Washington State USA and have made 3 trips to Ireland tracing my Madden family. My grand-father left Bourney Parish, Roscrea, N. Tipperary in 1894ish.
Your story on the McDonalds in Roscrea caught my attention which took me to this oddsey.
A real philosophical conundrum; having vasectomies and tracing ancestors!
conor on January 11, 2007
Hey Maria, are you calling poor Fionn a hungry hippo? We are getting far too many old dears coming up to us unprompted and saying “that’s a fine child, what age is he?”. “18 months”. “What? Oh yes, a fine fine child”. Subtext = Your baby is fat.
I’ll never win on duration, count or pain with Catherine but for a week I did get plenty of sympathy (we won’t mention my sisters’ reaction when they heard).
Ed, that is a tough conundrum 
I was the last male of this particular O’Neill line until my three boyos came along. Now there should be plenty more descendants! You are the third Washington State reader I have confirmed. Must be the rain.
conor on January 11, 2007
Ye getting any sleep at the minute Maria? It’s the perfect time to convince him that it is the right thing to do
Mitch McDad on January 14, 2007
Great post. Got mine last year and has provided some good material for my blog. Loved the “giant fluffy balloon,” reference.
~Mitch
conor on January 16, 2007
Love your blog post on the same topic!
Interesting the differences in approach between countries. You got valium and they used cauterisation. We use Veet and tie-backs here.
From the documentary I saw last year, all doctors who do it in Ireland were trained by the same guy so they all use the same approach (apart from the valium). Are you safe to drive after valium? Would getting drunk beforehand help with the relaxation I wonder?
Jon on January 31, 2007
Thanks for your post. I just had mine last Friday, Jan. 25th. My doc said: “this’ll be the worst of it” when he stuck the needle in. I damn near flew off the table. Thanks for the warning, doc.
Glad to know you’re back to your old self. I’m still hammocked and wondering “what the hell have I done?” I’ll give it more time.
A friend asked me: “is it like getting hit in the nuts?” Yea…every 20 minutes!!!
conor on January 31, 2007
Being hit constantly in the nuts is exactly the feeling!
I did a cycle the other day (6 weeks later) and still knew that something had happened down there.
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Marie on February 16, 2007
Conor, loved your post, just read it recently. Nice to see a man not afraid (ok, maybe mildly so, grin) to stand up (ok, sit down) and do his bit for controlling the population.
Brings back to mind when my Doc suggested my ex get it done. (Brief history, no. 2 was a stillbirth and no. 3 was a hellish pregnancy and a tubal ligation for me would have been another major operation following two c-sections and things were expected to go downhill from there if we had any more). Anyway, he told the doc that no-one was touching his bits, so I told him he could count me in that number and that is only one of the reasons he is my ex. OH, and the other amazing thing, for me to have the tubal ligation in Dublin - I needed HIS permission, and this was ‘93! Please tell me things have changed! Anyway, got the tubal ligation done in the states where it was no-one’s decision but my own and haven’t looked back since!
conor on February 17, 2007
Interesting question on permission. I did have to get Catherine to sign something indicating consent but I’m not sure how strict he would have been about that.
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Ken McGuire on February 19, 2007
Jesus! Funny read all the same, fair play for going through with it. One or two of the extended family have been through it but I’ve a while to go yet before its even considered!
Great commentary tho
conor on February 19, 2007
I swear I wrote this as a “it’s no big deal” post but it seems to be putting men off getting it done in droves. Seriously, it’s not that bad, with the right meds!
The Lost Biffo on February 19, 2007
Hu Conor,
You’re even more famous now
conor on February 20, 2007
At least the kids are too small to be hassled about it in school!
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The Travelling Biffo on February 20, 2007
What happens when they google in the future? It’ll all be archived!
Reminds me of a joke.
There was this ould lad from West Cork, who decided that they’d had enough kids, so of to the doc with him to get the snip. The doc said it’ll cost 100euro, and the boy was saying that’s a bit too much, so the doc says 20euro, and yer man was still, nope too dear. So the doc decides that yer man’s better off not breeding any more so he says give me 2 euro and I’ll do it. Fair enuf says the West Cork bhoy.
The doc hands yer man an empty coke can with the fuse of a banger peaking out at the top. Go home, take of your trousers, hold this in your left hand, light the fuse and count to 10. The bhoy is wondering how it’s going to work, but off home he goes.
Gets home, takes of the trousers, lights the fuse, holding it in his left hand and starts to count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, then he places the can between his legs so he can count on the fingers on his left, 6 , 7, *bang*
conor on February 20, 2007
We all know that started as an Offaly joke…..
Mark on February 21, 2007
Masochist. Total feckin’ masochist. You just couldn’t stop at the clothes pegs on the nipples and a lit candle shoved up your arse now could you Conor?!? ;-p
conor on February 21, 2007
I’m not sure if that’s covered by BUPA
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Dan Sullivan on March 2, 2007
Great post and it wouldn’t put me off only I’m not married and don’t have any children as yet so it will be a while yet. Oddly enough I had a quack do some work down in the nethers a good number of years ago now. It wasn’t some cosmetic thing but it is kind of a long story so don’t want to take up too much space here.
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andrew on March 4, 2007
humorous take on a painful subject. In my native Vancouver, there is but one man for a city of 2 million who performs this service. I know about 2 dozen people who have gone to see him for the chop, and to each everyone of them he gave a set of headphones into which he blasted AC/DC’s Back in Black….
conor on March 4, 2007
Now ye see, AC/DC would have made the whole thing far more bearable!
Tim on March 5, 2007
Congratulations on the award, great story and after reading it I don’t know if I could do it on a local I’d need to be well gone! Mine will stay connected a while longer only have 2 kids so it may need to be kept for live firing a bit longer, I will be thinking of this post though for future reference!
conor on March 5, 2007
Maybe they could do it like giving birth and offer gas/air first followed by epidural if it all gets too much? I’m getting such a thump in the morning.
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Ed Madden on April 6, 2007
Hi Conor,
Your blog may be responsible for a possible new sport; “Extreme Vasectomy”…
and these guys have gone w-a-y too far, eunuchs!
paraic on August 14, 2007
laughed me rollers off mate as a bloke who went thru it all 7 yrs ago i can relate to it all too well.
bilou on August 20, 2007
Anyone thinking of having it snipped (me never, I love the feeling of “this might be it, I might be procreating, she might have a bun”)
But as a backup, get some of the cream frozen, so if you want to have one, you still can.
Other wise its a one way street. Not nice.
Like I recently got divorced and remarried 5 years on.. But it didn’t work out too good. The new missus wasa raver, and she’d got snipped when she was a 14 yr old nympho doing 20 guys a day. Then was walking down the street one night I couldn’t sleep and saw this dd gorgeous lass. Did something totally out of character, like not me in a million years, like singing “falling in love again”. and whilst ogling this chicks ass “You have such beautiful….eyes”
\
Most times that would get me a real hard slap or total “ignore the dickhead”. This time it got me “do you shave down there?”, answer “Yup”..and the reply “Good, so I won’t have to pull em out when I blow you”
Err Jesus, I’m like “Is this real”, “Somebody slap me awake!” And it was real. And the DD is now my missus. Like unreal shit. And I got two new kids, thanks to the frozen cream.
Ynow, somtimes folks say “in ye dreams baby!”
But some times it just happens. I’m still trying to figure it out, like 9 years down the line. I’m still geting blowed like a teen. Jeez. I..I just don’t know what I did. I aint that beautiful like, but she just decided I was it.
Somebody kick me, I might wake up.
stephen mcbride on August 28, 2007
just had myself done (friday), popped in at lunchtime, all sorted , saturday was a little uncomfortable, mainly due to 4 & 3 year old children running straight in the direction of the two veg, but after that , played golf 3 days later. its a doddle , just dont tell the women, u can play it up for a few weeks at least, like the good old AMEX card, the rewards can be amazing , lol……Steve
conor on August 28, 2007
You lucky bollox. Or should that be “your lucky bollox”.
Pippa on August 29, 2007
Hi Conor fantastic blog, congrats on the award, you deserve it! I was in stitches.
Living in Cork and we are considering it any chance can you give any info on the cost?
Don’t think I’ll forward your account of the experience to him until afterwards though! LOL
conor on August 29, 2007
Thanks Pippa. It cost around €500 but you can claim a lot of that back in your tax return.
Still stunned I’m turning people off, it was supposed to be positive!
stephen mcbride on August 30, 2007
500 euros ????? thank god for the NHS over here , its free, waiting approx 2 weeks . oh and there’s no injection anymore its just a swab with anisthetic . Not sure what the ruling is from ROME though, but then again I dont hasle them dont see why they shoudl hassle me.
Pippa on August 30, 2007
Thanks for that Conor.
What amused me was I did a google search for “getting the snip” and this is what came up, I didn’t bother reading the other hits after I’d clicked on this one.
It was very informative. I don’t think you did put people off, I think it’s just you took a lot longer to recover than usual and that’s what scared men in particular, I mean they are babies when it comes to pain or illness afterall. Ever hear of “man flu”?
Dave on September 25, 2007
Good man yourself, I too have done my bit for the nation. Im only thirty but im getting done- just one nine year old, and theres no way were going back to nappies and colic and not able to go out.
Were also both looking forward to an ‘anytime, anywhere’ sex-life.
anyway, thanks for a great read.
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Brendan Lawlor on January 5, 2007
Oh you poor sorry b**tard. I was thinking of something similar (after a meagre 2) but you’ve put me right off it!
I think you might have had a bit of bad luck with regards to the recovery time. My brovver did it a few years back and was back in the saddle (god no, not literally) in a day.