Just discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls

Sam’s earlier homage to Yakult as read out on the Gerry Ryan radio show a few months back. I cannot believe this did not win a prize.

Let me share with you my tale of woe,/o:p

It happened not that long ago./o:p

I went to the cinema with my date,/o:p

My tummy was in a terrible state./o:p

/o:p

I eat too much, I was such a glutton,/o:p

I started to swell, I undid my button./o:p

The lights went down, I settled in, /o:p

Little did I know what was about to begin./o:p

/o:p

I was so looking forward to ?The Last Samurai?,/o:p

But when the credits rolled so did I./o:p

My stomach was rumbling and a-rolling,/o:p

Loads of activity going on in my colon./o:p

/o:p

I decided to let out a fart,/o:p

Just as the movie was about to start./o:p

And if there were any noxious gases,/o:p

I?d blame it on the cinema masses./o:p

/o:p

So I let it out, that was my urge,/o:p

But it was followed by a mighty surge./o:p

I felt a sticky substance, it was just like glue,/o:p

My fart was followed by an almighty poo./o:p

/o:p

Oh Jesus Christ, what the hell?/o:p

There was no way to mask the smell./o:p

My face said it all, there was no denial,/o:p

Why didn?t I get a seat by the aisle./o:p

/o:p

My guts were in pieces, I was in such pain,/o:p

I walked to the toilets like John Wayne./o:p

I just about got there, to the toilet door,/o:p

Because down my leg it started to pour./o:p

/o:p

I will never forget that terrible day,/o:p

That evening when my bowel gave way./o:p

I was so miserable, I admitted defeat,/o:p

Because on the roll holder there was only one sheet./o:p

/o:p

So quick as a flash, I couldn?t move much quicker,/o:p

I took off my jeans and peeled off my knicker./o:p

The smell was vile, putrid and rank,/o:p

Boy oh boy, my cubicle stank./o:p

/o:p

When my stomach died down, when I felt no rush,/o:p

I dipped my knickers in the clean water flush./o:p

I was mortified, ashamed, I felt a fool,/o:p

I got most of it off, that offending stool./o:p

/o:p

But now I am on the road to recovery,/o:p

Thanks to Dr. Shirota?s discovery./o:p

Through all the therapy, trouble, and strife,/o:p

I believe that Yakult saved my life./o:p

/o:p

It?s become part of my daily diet,/o:p

I firmly believe everyone should try it./o:p

Cos/st1:place of my ordeal I could do with some fun,/o:p

Please send me to the Land of the Rising Sun!

/o:p

Conor O'Neill

Tech guy who likes running slowly

Bandon, Cork, Ireland http://conoroneill.com