Sam’s earlier homage to Yakult as read out on the Gerry Ryan radio show a few months back. I cannot believe this did not win a prize.
-------------------------- Let me share with you my tale of woe,It happened not that long ago.<o:p></o:p>
I went to the cinema with my date,<o:p></o:p>
My tummy was in a terrible state.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I eat too much, I was such a glutton,<o:p></o:p>
I started to swell, I undid my button.<o:p></o:p>
The lights went down, I settled in, <o:p></o:p>
Little did I know what was about to begin.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I was so looking forward to ?The Last Samurai?,<o:p></o:p>
But when the credits rolled so did I.<o:p></o:p>
My stomach was rumbling and a-rolling,<o:p></o:p>
Loads of activity going on in my colon.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I decided to let out a fart,<o:p></o:p>
Just as the movie was about to start.<o:p></o:p>
And if there were any noxious gases,<o:p></o:p>
I?d blame it on the cinema masses.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
So I let it out, that was my urge,<o:p></o:p>
But it was followed by a mighty surge.<o:p></o:p>
I felt a sticky substance, it was just like glue,<o:p></o:p>
My fart was followed by an almighty poo.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Oh Jesus Christ, what the hell?<o:p></o:p>
There was no way to mask the smell.<o:p></o:p>
My face said it all, there was no denial,<o:p></o:p>
Why didn?t I get a seat by the aisle.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
My guts were in pieces, I was in such pain,<o:p></o:p>
I walked to the toilets like John Wayne.<o:p></o:p>
I just about got there, to the toilet door,<o:p></o:p>
Because down my leg it started to pour.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I will never forget that terrible day,<o:p></o:p>
That evening when my bowel gave way.<o:p></o:p>
I was so miserable, I admitted defeat,<o:p></o:p>
Because on the roll holder there was only one sheet.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
So quick as a flash, I couldn?t move much quicker,<o:p></o:p>
I took off my jeans and peeled off my knicker.<o:p></o:p>
The smell was vile, putrid and rank,<o:p></o:p>
Boy oh boy, my cubicle stank.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
When my stomach died down, when I felt no rush,<o:p></o:p>
I dipped my knickers in the clean water flush.<o:p></o:p>
I was mortified, ashamed, I felt a fool,<o:p></o:p>
I got most of it off, that offending stool.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
But now I am on the road to recovery,<o:p></o:p>
Thanks to Dr. Shirota?s discovery.<o:p></o:p>
Through all the therapy, trouble, and strife,<o:p></o:p>
I believe that Yakult saved my life.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
It?s become part of my daily diet,<o:p></o:p>
I firmly believe everyone should try it.<o:p></o:p>
<st1:place st=“on”>Cos</st1:place> of my ordeal I could do with some fun,<o:p></o:p>
Please send me to the Land of the Rising Sun!
<o:p></o:p>
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